Monday, August 16, 2010


Today, I had my picture taken for my firm's website.  Since I don't even know where to begin with this, here's just a list of everything that has popped into my head since I heard the news:

1) Hey, cool, my picture will be on our website.  That's good, right?

2) Oh my god, they better not describe me as a law clerk.  If anyone Googles me, and I'm called a 'law clerk' on our website, I'm going to be fucked trying to explain why my resume says 'attorney'.  (I'm going to be called a lawyer.  I asked.)

3) Wait.  Why are they putting my picture on our website?  This doesn't make any sense...

4) Oh, I get it!  It makes it look like we have more lawyers than we actually do.  Pretty sneaky.

5) Hold the fuck on!  So, they're not going to pay me like a lawyer; but, it's ok to use my picture to make it seem as though our firm has more lawyers than we do?  How does that work?

6) Eh, at least I have my picture on our website.  Maybe I should just be optimistic about this.  Besides, I can probably use it to angle for more money.

7) I wonder if I'm going to have a biography section, like the other lawyers?

8) What would it say?  "D has been with our firm for over three years.  While we won't pay him like an actual lawyer, we have no problem using his image to enhance our firm's reputation." 

9) On the bright side, I'll be able to tell my family something about my job that I'm not ashamed of. 

10) My mom's going to love this.


  1. Do a post when the photo goes online so we can google "not fat not a real lawyer" and see what you look like. I'm sure you look awesome.

    I am jealous that your mother is so easy to please.

  2. I bet you're jealous. Your mother is incredibly hard to please. It took FOREVER last night!!

    Sorry, but you walked into that one. :)

  3. I'm not surprised it took you forever, my mother thinks failure is a big turnoff.

    Sorry, you earned that one by going for the obvious comeback.