Sunday, September 6, 2009

A Philosophy Major's Guide to Computers

If you thought I was confused in the last post, you're in for a treat. Also, I'm not dealing with this sober.

Now I'm ready. Lets get started.

Part I: How to diagnose/get rid of a virus. Continued.
Step 6: Drastic Measures
a) "Zero" the "hard drive."
- Ok, so I guess computers have these things called "hard drives." I'm assuming that's where the computer gnomes work. To zero a hard drive, I basically want the aforementioned gnomes to be shouting "zero" at each other, rather than ones and zeroes. Did you see that? I just explained binary. I should have majored in CS.
- Made a "boot CD" at work. I should mention that I'm already a little worried as the program I'm using is called "Boot and Nuke." I barely trust myself to install those annoying adobe updates. This is a potential disaster.
- Just pop it in and I should be good to go, right? Not quite. I guess computers don't know to open up the cd first, so I have to tell it to boot to the cd. Computers are stupid like that.

Boot...f8, f8, f8...Whoa! Hey! That is not a screen I'm used to.

- Now we're ready to erase a hard drive.

Boot...F2, F2, F2...I've had some bad experiences with "blue screen" recently, so I'm a little worried about this. Also worrying is the disclaimer provided with this product. If you can't read it, it says, "This software is provided without any warranty; without even the implied warranty of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose..." Since I'm a lawyer, I know...well, nothing. But this disclaimer really doesn't sound good.
b) Reinstall Windows.
- I guess if you turn on your computer without installing windows it just give you "black screen." I don't think it's as bad as "blue screen" and it's certainly no "red screen," but I have no idea what to do with it.
- Pop in the "operating system" cd that came with the computer. I'm not positive, but I'm going to call Windows an operating system. Also pop in all other cd's that came with the computer and hope for the best.

c) Internet?

- Internet! I'm pretty well done at this point. The rest is just icing.

d) Install Applicable Drivers
- Done.

Step 7: Boast to Your Friends
- Check!

Step 8: Realize You Forgot Stuff
- I don't have sound. I figure I forgot a driver. Who needs sound, anyway?
- It doesn't "standby" anymore. Can't figure that one out.

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