Friday, October 2, 2009

The Office Goblin

Secretary 2, hereinafter referred to as "the office goblin," is getting on my nerves.  She always bugs me, but for some reason it's bothering me more than usual today.  You know, she's really quite nice, and each of these individual traits probably aren't all that annoying alone, but the combination makes for a woman irritating enough for me to dub her the office goblin.  I'm going to Hell, but here we go:

1) She waddles.  Yes, like a penguin.
2) She can't handle nouns.  Instead of, "Nick, the complaints are on the counter next to the copier."  I have to hear, "Nick, the thingamajigs are on the whatsit next to the whozee!!"
3) She's excited about everything.  I ended the above sentence with two exclamation points because that's seriously how she would say it.
4) She sometimes refers to me as "Mr. Nick."  I am not a gay hairdresser.  Do not refer to me as Mr. Nick.
5) She's very easily flustered.  Kind of like a small bird - only more annoying.
6) She's just plain creepy.  I know that's pretty subjective, but she once came into my office and said, "Oh Mr. Nick, I have goodies for you!!"  Tell me that isn't creepy.
7) She talks to herself.  Yes, I understand that a lot of people talk to themselves - hell, I'm even guilty of it sometimes - but she actually keeps up a fully engaged conversation with herself throughout the entire day.  That's not normal.
8) Her phone voice sounds like a phone sex operator.
9) She makes my life more difficult.  Maybe it's my fault because I can't understand her gibberish, but every time I do something that involves her it ends up taking twice as long as it should. 
10) She sighs constantly.  I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but it really annoys me and I wanted an even ten.

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