Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Law Rant Part V

Maybe a little bit of uniformity in how things work would be helpful.  I know doing things differently in every state, city, division, and courtroom sounds like a fun and efficient way to organize a legal system, but it's pissing me off.  Here are just the two most recent examples:

I deal mostly with three divisions: Municipal, Chancery and Law.  I just love it that I have to go to three different areas to file a motion, and do it in three different ways.  Is my date on a board?  Do I need a motion slip?  Do I pick a date at random?  Do you know what time it will be?  Do I need my judge's calendar?  Do I get a receipt?  The answers are different for each division.  Thanks, U.S. legal system.  Really, why do something one way when you could do it in three ways.  That would be ridiculous.

The other day I was trying to pick up some orders from a courtroom.  In a lot of courtrooms there's a bin with orders to be picked up.  So, I asked the clerk if there was such a thing in his courtroom.  This guy got all pissy, informed me that there was no bin for orders, he had no idea what I was talking about, and I was going to have to come back tomorrow to talk to the judge.  After another minute of prying, I find out that he's right, there is no "bin" for orders in the courtroom.  However, there is a "tray" in chambers that holds all of the orders.  I wanted to yell at the clerk for wasting five minutes of my life debating semantics, but he genuinely had no idea what I was talking about.

1 comment:

  1. Law is such a dumb "profession." We talk about logic, reason, facts like we are discussing hard science. I have seen too many prosecutors and judges lose it, dress down witnesses, defendants, parents, juveniles, and especially other lawyers. Prosecutors are extremely petty, self-important, puffed up, and they - as a class - really are the "worst kind of dishonest swine ever to crawl out of the devil's asshole." George Carlin said it best, didn't he?

    When presented with an inconvenient fact, most lawyers will do what they do best: spin, deny, twist things around, attack the messenger or victim.

    How often do dentists get dressed down, as a part of their job? What other professional goes to school for 7+ years of post-graduate education, just to struggle to pay the bills and be treated like a moron? "Counselor, you were supposed to be in my courtroom ten minutes ago. We cannot hold up the hearing just to meet your schedule. Are you situated? Can we continue with the hearing, now?!?! Don't ever let it happen again!"

    And you are not really in a position to tell the judge, "I had a hearing in Judge Smith's court, and it went much longer than anticipated because [the prosecution's witnesses (expert, LEO), judge, court attendant, prosecutor] did not show up on time. I apologize for their conduct making me late to your courtroom."