Secretary 2 is currently in my office, complaining about Secretary 1, the way we do things at our firm, the way she is being treated and how she feels about all of it.
Is she kidding? Did someone put her up to this? How could she have possibly decided I was the one to talk to? I'd be tempted to take her side, were it not for the monumental lapse in judgment it took to come to ME with her problems.
No fucking way. She is actually still here. Most people can pick up on the subtle cues that I don't care about their problems. Like, for instance, when I start writing a blog post while they're talking. Or, if I haven't actually responded with anything more than a grunt for the past two minutes. Is this woman slow?
I'm tempted to share with her my favorite quote from my high school P.E. teacher: "You know where you can find sympathy? In the dictionary between shit and syphilis."
Seriously, lady. I have my own problems. Fuck off.