Friday, May 7, 2010

Job interview

I mentioned that I wasn't sure what the job was when I applied.  All I knew was that is involved working at a bank.  As it turns out, it was a sales position.

There are a lot of things I think I'd be good at and enjoy.  Sales, however, is not one of those things.  As Attorney 5 said to me, "You have the look, but not the personality."  I think this stems from the fact that I hate people.  The last thing I want to do is call them, kiss ass, and try to sell them things.  Nothing against sales, but it just doesn't work for me.

Anyway, it was a long interview this morning.  First, the person interviewing me was this super peppy HR girl, who looked to be about my age.  I don't know if it's just me, but I absolutely hate being interviewed by 20-some year old HR girls.  I am dying to know what extensive training they've been through that makes them qualified to assess my qualifications and determine if I'm a good fit for a particular company. 

After looking at my resume, her first comment was, "You're quite the ninja, aren't you!" in reference to my martial arts experience.  Seriously, fuck off, Mandy/Candy/Mindy/Cindy/Kristy or whatever the fuck your name was.  Please, just direct me to the person who's actually doing the hiring.  You know, the person who's job isn't reading a list of previously prepared questions about my biggest strengths and weaknesses, or my career goals over the next three years.

After about twenty minutes of inane conversation about my background, I got to listen to an hour long sales pitch about the company.  Fucking sweet.  Ten minutes into the spiel, I had gotten the general idea.  Seriously, I'm a reasonably intelligent guy - personal and professional growth...clients...AAA ratings...opportunities for outings...I get it.  Please. Stop. Talking.

Needless to say, she did not stop talking.  Instead, I sat there for an hour and a half interviewing for a job that I don't really want.  Oh, and did I mention that it requires four interviews to actually get this job?  This weekend, I'm supposed to fill out a compatibility questionnaire to see if this company and I are a good fit for each other.  I need to do well on it to get a second interview.

Awesome start to my day.  Just awesome.


  1. Why do you have martial arts on your resume? I am sure you have given the secretaries of a few hiring partners a good laugh on the way to the circular file.

    Maybe I should take "likes long walks on the beach" off of my resume.

  2. Maybe it's a "don't screw w/me" warning? I have entertainment stuff on my resume but some of that's business. I should learn how to shoot a gun then put the experience on a resume (though nobody wants me around weapons b/c they think I'll have too much fun hurting people w/them).

  3. I teach martial arts, ass. It may not be law related, but I have to fill up space on my resume somehow.

  4. Yes, how dare you mention that you volunteer your time to teach kids?