Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I've had a little bit of a stressful week.  I don't even know where to start on this mess, so here's a series of conversations that happened at my work at the end of last week.  Those of you who like to insult me will absolutely love this.

Dick Boss: You're still fucking everything up to the point where I can't trust you to handle your cases.  This isn't a demotion, but I'm taking all of your cases away from you. 
Office Manager: Yeah.
Me: What?
Dick Boss: We just got a ton of collections cases and we hired some old lawyer to work on them part time.  We were going to hire someone to help him out, but, instead, we're moving you to that position and hiring someone new to do your old job.
Office Manager: Yeah.
Dick Boss: Any questions?
Me: I wouldn't even know where to start.

Thursday late afternoon
Me: Hey, what the fuck happened?
Office Manager: You can't be trusted on your cases.
Me: Helpful.  Who's going to be handling them?
Office Manager: We've been thinking about hiring this new guy.
Me: Anything else I should know?
Office Manager: Not really.

Friday Morning
Secretary: Why is your stuff in that office?
Me: What?
Secretary: That isn't your office anymore.
Me: What?
Secretary: It's the new guy's office.  D, meet the new guy.
Me: Seriously?  He starts today?  What?  Fine.  Where is my  new office.
Secretary: You're sharing one with Old Lawyer.
Me: Awesome.

Friday Noon
Other Associate: I need to talk to you.
Me: Is this about what I think it is?
Other Associate: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!?!  I go to your office this morning and somebody else is there.  What the fuck?!?
Me: Well, evidently, I am fucking everything up and can't be trusted with my cases.  I take it you didn't hear about this.  Thoughts?
Other Associate: This if fucking ridiculous. 
Me: Correct.
Other Associate: Listen, as far as I'm concerned, you're doing fine.  Everything you do is getting consistently better and I can only think of one thing you actually fucked up.  And that was on your second day.
Me: Thanks.  I didn't think you were in on this.
Other Associate: If you're looking for a new job, and I assume you will be after this, feel free to use me as a reference.

I am now sitting at a conference table in the corner of a windowless office I share with some old lawyer.  And, I'm doing collections.  This has not been a good week.


  1. That place is a world of crazy. Hoping you find a better place to jump to stat.

  2. Sounds tough, sorry to hear that. Remember, collections can be a good way to get some good experience. Issue some citations to discover assets and take some depositions. When you do discover some assets, file motions for turnover. Then, when you interview for a new job, you can say "I have taken 20+ depositions and have appeared on 30 motion hearings."

  3. I swear you must be working for my old firm. This sucks ass. Definitely use your co-worker as your reference. Pretty standard to do so when you work for douche bags who can't be trusted to give you a fair and decent reference. Hang in there. This shit will suck the life out of you.

  4. D:

    I agree with 9:34pm above. Stick it out for the experience but don't care what happens. Since you're a martial artist, let me use this analogy: Law is like a combat sport (boxing, wrestling, judo, bjj). In the beginning it is very hard to do even the very basics, but after you get over the steep learning curve, it becomes pretty easy.

    There's no excuse for law schools not to teach how to practice law and for employers not to expect to teach their new hires. Collections is mindless. You just follow a checklist. He should've typed out a checklist for you to follow.

    Good luck.


  5. Good stuff. The more I read your blog, the more I'm glad I'm not going into law.

  6. If you related that correctly and completely, you are on the skids out the door. Take it from someone whoes been there, done that.

  7. Wow, afraid to tell you, but you are firmly ensconced in shit law. Shitty practice area, shitty boss who cant be bothered to teach you, shitty office manager, probably shitty pay with shitty hours. You are living the very essence of the frothy mix termed shit law.

  8. OMG I've been there. Hang in there. I left big law for non-traditional law and while I gave up the prestige and some money...I have my life back. I also no longer have to listen to the wicked witch of the west everyday...

  9. I don't know if this will make it suck less, but given the amount of turnover in that position, this is not really about your qualifications your abilities or even you personally.

    I hope it goes better, based on history, seems like you'll make the best of it you can. You'll find yourself savvier about how the "fit" is for you in your next job search.

    P.S. Part of me wonders if you aren't really a writer and don't know it yet - I think there's a lot of natural talent on display in your posts. Maybe an odd time to mention, but props on it anyway.

  10. Sorry to hear about it. Don't blame yourself. So will the depression meter be going back up?

  11. Do you ever wonder if your bosses at your old job refused to promote you for the same reason your new boss chose to demote you?

    Just remember: At least you're not fat and/or stupid like so many other people you've hated on in your blog. Well, at least you're not fat.