Friday, April 9, 2010

Why I think my boss is slow

Actually, there are a lot of reasons.  But, this is one of the more prominent ones.  From time to time, I cave and ask Attorney 2 for career advice.  Going in, I know it's a bad idea, but I keep thinking he'll be helpful one of these days.  Here is an incomplete list of his most recent, serious, job suggestions.

- Deep sea salvage
- Working on an off-shore oil rig
- Joining the Army
- Merchant Marine
- Air Marshall
- Mercenary
- Diamond smuggler

Now, I'm not saying that each one of those options doesn't sound cool.  Do I think it would be awesome to be Leonardo DiCaprio in Blood Diamond as a career?  Hell fucking yes.  He has a gun, a life brimming with excitement, his own personal black guy to order around, and hooks up with Jennifer Connelly.  Who wouldn't want all of that?

Unfortunately, I'm not sure that dream is particularly in tune with reality.  I mean, you can't be a diamond smuggler forever, can you?  Then what would happen?  I'd be right back where I started, that's what.  Yeah, I'd have a cool diamond smuggling story, but how far would that really get me?  Not very far. 

Inverviewer: So, what skills do you bring to the table?
Me: I can hide diamonds in a goat AND I know a few words in an obscure African language.  Win, win.

Plus, Leonardo DiCaprio dies at the end of the movie.  Though he does do it in badass fashion...ugh, now I'm seriously considering being a diamond smuggler again.  Damn you, Leo!

1 comment:

  1. How would live in Africa to smuggle diamonds, are you carrying an African passport in your pocket? DiCaprio was African in that movie. Remember, African doesn't equal black, only African American does.

    All of those suggestions are probably dumb except merchant marine.

    That is an awesome fucking job that only requires 2 years at community college. You work six months a year, make between $60k-$120k, have girlfriends on four continents and can live in some of the most exotic places on earth.

    Plus, you might get to deal with pirates. If only I'd known.