Talking

I think I've become a difficult person to talk to.  The problem is that there are about eight hours of my day that I simply don't want to talk about, which seriously limits any possible conversations.  This hit me after a recent conversation with my mother.

My mom genuinely wants to hear about my life.  She is my mom, after all.  She's also one of the most stubbornly optimistic people you'll ever meet, she likes to fill up every moment with casual banter and she can usually pry conversation out of a rock.  That being said, she has finally given up asking me about my day.

One year ago
Mom: How was your day?
Me: Pretty bad.
Mom: It can't be that bad.  You've got to focus on the positive!  Tell me what you did today.
Me: I filled in blanks, filed and stood in line.
Mom: Oh, what else happened?
Me: Nothing.
Mom: Oh, come on.  Something else must have happened.
Me: Nope.
Mom: There has to be something.
Me: Nope.
Mom: That can't be all that happened today.
Me: You wouldn't think so.
Mom: No interesting stories?
Me: Do you want to hear about filling in blanks, filing or standing in line?
Mom: Yes!
Me: Sorry, I'd rather not re-live it.
Mom: What happened to thinking positive?!?
Me: I never said I was going to do that.

Recently
Mom: How was your day?
Me: Really?
Mom: ...how's French going?
Me: Pretty good.

Come to think of it, this probably annoys the hell out of my girlfriend, too.  Sorry about that.

Dilema

I've recently started looking for jobs outside of Chicago.  Having looked around a bit, I'm now weighing the pros and cons of going somewhere else.  Namely, downstate Illinois.

Pros
- I'd be a lawyer.
- I'd get experience. 
- I grew up downstate, so it wouldn't be that bad.
- I have family ties down there, so, arguably, it would be easier to find a job.
- I'm sure, in time, I'd be able to develop a pretty good practice down there.

Cons
- Starting salary is about $35k/year.
- Let's face it, if I start working downstate, I'm probably going to be there for the rest of my life.
- Downstate sucks.  If you're starting a family, fine, it's an awesome place.  I have no complaints about growing up there.  However, as a guy in my late 20's, downstate would fucking blow.
- I'd need to buy a car and someplace to live.  Neither of which I can realistically afford.
- Having a job that I hate, in some podunk town in downstate Illinois is definitely not how I saw my life going.  In fact, I never even realized it was going to be an option.

It's pretty even, I guess.  Except that, if I end up working downstate, I'm definitely going to need to add some numbers to the depression scale.

Depression Scale

Every day, I like to rank my depression on a scale of one to ten.  It probably isn't healthy, but it's what I do. In a new section on my blog's sidebar, I'm going to share with you my daily number (though I may have to take it down if people start to worry about me).  To avoid confusion, let me give you a breakdown about what the numbers mean:

Depression Scale
1-3: Minimal - These are my good days.  They generally only pop up if I've made some sort of progress on my job search or if something, arguably, good has happened to me that day.  These days are few and far between.
4-6: Bearable - This is probably the average.  Obviously nothing good has happened in a while, but I haven't had time to dwell on things. I'm bummed out, but it's nothing I can't ignore.
7-8: Unbearable - These happen more than I'd like to admit.  I can get pushed into one of these days having a slow day at work, watching something good happen to someone else, not being able to work out, or any number of other things.
9-10: Crippling - These are bad days.  Usually, they're triggered by some sort of major event - being passed up for a job, being out of law school for two years, not having enough money for something, my impending birthday, etc.  But, unfortunately, sometimes they just pop up out of nowhere.

Now that you know what the numbers mean, you can fully appreciate how depressed I am on any given day.  You're welcome.

[Believe it or not, I used to be an optimist.  Seriously.]

On the bright side

Sometime, I have to take a minute to look at the bright side of things.  It gets harder every day, but here's my attempt at putting a positive spin on my job search and life in general.

1) I just sent out about 120 resumes.  With any luck, one of those firms will actually call me back.  Yeah, I've already gotten a lot of rejections, but some of them were very nice about it.  I feel good about my prospects.
2) Per Gus' suggestion, I'm about to add PI firms to my list.  That will include a lot more firms and, hopefully, dramatically improve my chances of getting a job.
3) Attorney 2 still says he's going to find some actual lawyer work for me to do.  Granted, I've been reminding him about this for a long time now and I've seen nothing come of it, but he still says he's going to do it.  Maybe it'll actually happen one of these days.
4) Attorney 6 is still being trained, so he's doing most of the stuff I usually do.  That leaves me with plenty of time to send out my resume while at work.
5) I only work 9-5, so I have plenty of free time to pursue my other interests.  I'm making the best of that while it lasts.
6) Our main database program crashed this morning and has thrown everyone who cares into a absolute frenzy.  Man, this is fun to watch.
7) My resume does look pretty nice now that I'm calling myself an attorney.  Granted, I'm not sure Attorney 2 will be cool with what I've done, but, if I have to cope with getting passed over for a job, he's going to have to cope with me taking some creative liberties regarding my position in this firm.

I know, that was a little forced.  You work with what you've got.

Options (Update)

Apparently, there was a third option I wasn't aware of:
3) Eat two bowls of cereal, fall asleep for two hours, watch Glee, go back to sleep.

Options

There's no French class tonight, so I have a rare free night.  The way I see it, that leaves me two realistic options.

1) Work ahead in French and watch Glee.
2) Drink, work ahead in French and watch Glee.

What to do, what to do...

Hello, depression

Before heading to court today, I thought I'd already hit my daily low.  I was wrong.  Very, very wrong.

This is today's conversation with another one of my county worker buddies.  I'll call this one "Latoya"

Me: You've got this stuff down.  Everyone else makes this look hard.
Latoya: Of course I have this down.  It's super-duper easy.  I've been doing this for nine years in five different departments.  It's all super-duper easy.  Nine years and I still don't get paid enough.
Me: That sucks.  I don't get paid enough either.
Latoya: I started at $10 and now I'm making $18.  It's bullshit.
Me: This'll make you feel better - I make less than you.  And, I'm technically a lawyer.
Latoya: Ooh, that sucks.  Wow.  I don't even know what to say.  You're a lawyer?  When did you graduate?
Me: 2008
Latoya: I'm about to graduate.  I hope that doesn't happen to me.
Me: Where from?
Latoya: University of Phoenix
Me: Where's the nearest bus for me to walk in front of?  Oh, cool.
Latoya: I still can't believe you're a lawyer and I make more than you.
Me: Believe it.  I bet you get health insurance, too.
Latoya: Wait, do you not...get out!  You don't even get health insurance AND you make less than me.  WOW does that suck!  Wow!

You know things are bad when even Cook County employees feel sorry for you.

Why I think my boss is slow

Actually, there are a lot of reasons.  But, this is one of the more prominent ones.  From time to time, I cave and ask Attorney 2 for career advice.  Going in, I know it's a bad idea, but I keep thinking he'll be helpful one of these days.  Here is an incomplete list of his most recent, serious, job suggestions.

- Deep sea salvage
- Working on an off-shore oil rig
- Joining the Army
- Merchant Marine
- Air Marshall
- Mercenary
- Diamond smuggler

Now, I'm not saying that each one of those options doesn't sound cool.  Do I think it would be awesome to be Leonardo DiCaprio in Blood Diamond as a career?  Hell fucking yes.  He has a gun, a life brimming with excitement, his own personal black guy to order around, and hooks up with Jennifer Connelly.  Who wouldn't want all of that?

Unfortunately, I'm not sure that dream is particularly in tune with reality.  I mean, you can't be a diamond smuggler forever, can you?  Then what would happen?  I'd be right back where I started, that's what.  Yeah, I'd have a cool diamond smuggling story, but how far would that really get me?  Not very far. 

Inverviewer: So, what skills do you bring to the table?
Me: I can hide diamonds in a goat AND I know a few words in an obscure African language.  Win, win.

Plus, Leonardo DiCaprio dies at the end of the movie.  Though he does do it in badass fashion...ugh, now I'm seriously considering being a diamond smuggler again.  Damn you, Leo!

Adding insult to injury

I have a cold.  I also have the hiccups.  Somehow, whenever I hiccup, my right ear pops (though it sounds more like a 'ping').  So, today's conversations have been going a lot like this:

Co-worker: How's it going?
Me: Eh, I have HICCUP!(ping) GOD DAMN IT!!  ...a cold.
Co-worker: Um...I'll come back later

Days of the week

Here's a list of the days of the week in order of how depressing I find them.*  "1" being most depressing, and "7" being least depressing.

7) Saturday - There's nothing bad about Saturdays.  It's blissfully insulated from the rest of my week by Friday night and all of Sunday.
6) Monday - Mondays really aren't that bad.  Yeah, a new week starts, but that happens every week.  It's not really worth complaining about.  I imagine I have plenty of new weeks to look forward to, so I may as well get used to it.
5) Wednesday - I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, Wednesdays aren't that bad.  I've settled into my work week, I get to go to work out, and, sometimes, I let myself drink.
4) Tuesday - Tuesday is when I remember how much my job blows.  This is the day when I start giving myself pep-talks in the elevator on my way to work, and punching the elevator wall on my way back home.  But, I do have French class to look forward to.  It's not much, but it's something.
3) Thursday - Not only do I have to work, but I have to teach kung fu.  Teaching is a waste of my time.  I don't get to work out and I'm obligated to stay the whole time.  I'm way too self-centered to deal well with that.
2) Friday - Friday brings the overwhelming depression of having wasted another week of my life in a dead end job which is doing absolutely nothing for me.  If I ever punch my boss, it's going to be on a Friday.
1) Sunday - Fuck Sundays.  Particularly Sunday nights.  Not only have I wasted another week, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm about to waste another one.  Also, I have to do laundry.  I hate doing laundry.

*Please note, I am not taking into consideration which days I see my girlfriend.  Were I to see her, that particular day would, of course, become the best day of my week.  (See how I did that?  Smooth, aren't I?)

Updates

Whereas I was crazy-busy last week, I have dick going on today.  So, I have plenty of time to make a list of inconsequential updates in my life and post them on my blog.  Gotta do something to pass the time.

1) I bought a bottle of Beam on Saturday and, attached, was a coupon for a free frozen pizza.  It's like they're reading my mind!
2) Got an email from a recruiter about a job I applied for.  Granted, she hasn't called me back yet, that whore, but I'm  remaining optimistic.  Trying to, at least.
3) Secretary 1 has a friend who works at another law firm and she says they need an associate.  She now has a copy of my resume and instructions to tell her boss he can't function without me.
4) St. Patrick's Day is coming up!  Day-drinking is my favorite kind of drinking.
5) My knee is feeling better, so I get to start lifting again tomorrow.  Front-squats!
6) Secretary 2, though overly giggly, is really quite nice and seems to be fairly competent.

All in all, this week has not sucked so far.  Don't worry though, there's still plenty of time.

Sums it up

This pretty much sums things up:

I need a new job.

New low

I just went to Jewel and paid for a can of beer in quarters.  I had $2 in my wallet, but my mom always told me to keep some cash on me in case of emergencies.  Not sure if this is what she meant.

Law school still sound like a good idea to anyone?

Rules be damned

I had a revelation on my way home from work the other day.  That revelation being - rules be damned, I'm doing whatever the fuck I want.

I'm on the L, and, when we get to my stop, we just sit there with the doors closed.  The CTA isn't all that reliable, so this happens sometimes.  Not a big deal.  However, we sit there for a good ten minutes with the doors closed.  Something's up.

My gut instinct in the situation is to pull the emergency release knob and let myself off the train.  However, I have this pesky inner-voice telling me to obey the rules, adhere to social norms, and not cause a scene.  So, I spent ten minutes staring at the emergency release knob, telling myself that I shouldn't just pull it, because it's only to be used in case of emergencies.  What happens next?  We fucking leave! The doors never opened.  I was never given the opportunity to get out.  My train just took the fuck off.

This will NEVER. HAPPEN. AGAIN.

Had I just pulled the emergency open knob I would have been out the door and headed to my condo.  Instead, I took a detour to the southside and wasted an extra half hour of my day.  Next time, I'm going with my gut (Colbert-style), and doing things my way.

New Year's blues

Given that I've spent the better part of my last three weeks boxing up and organizing all of our closed collection files to ship them off-site, I've had a lot of time to reflect.  The result of all that reflection is that I've bummed myself out.  Again.  Here's a brief comparison of the state of my life five years ago versus now:

2004: Graduated college with a degree in philosophy. Began clerking at the County Clerk's Office in my home town and spent my time alphabetizing and doing general data entry.

2010: I am a licensed attorney.  I'm currently clerking for a law firm where I fill in blanks and stand in line all day.  As previously mentioned, I also spent the past three weeks boxing up files.

You might be thinking that I haven't made any progress during the past five years of my life....and you would be correct.  2010 better be a big year for me.

Productivity update

My followers, all two of you, may remember a previous post detailing my attempts to feel more productive.  In that post, I mentioned that I was considering taking a French class.  Well, good news, I am officially taking a French class. 

My Tuesday nights are no longer spent lifting, watching several hours of Bones on TNT, and convincing myself that "because it's Tuesday" isn't a good reason to start drinking alone.  Now, I take a French class, watch one hour of Bones, and easily convince myself that "because it's Tuesday and I'm fucking tired since I had to lift at 6:00am" is a pretty good reason not to start drinking alone.

An added bonus to being more productive is that the busier I am, the less time I have to dwell on how much my life blows.  Sweet.

Priorities

I woke up about an hour late this morning.  Here's pretty much what my thought process was:

8:00am?  Crap.  Ok, I need to eat breakfast, make my lunch, iron my shirt, shower and shave.  I need to cut out some steps to make it to work on time.  Lunch and shave are out.  Hmm...still not enough time.  Iron?  Need to do that.  Shower?  Probably should.  Skip breakfast?  Let's not be ridiculous.  My shredded wheat covered in brown sugar, bananas, and pomegranate seeds is one of the best parts of my day.  Looks like I'm going to be late for work.

I'm never what you would call "early" for work, but today I was about half an hour late.  On the bright side, I'm fairly certain nobody noticed and I feel great with that extra hour of sleep and a good breakfast.  I wonder how late I can show up before it becomes an issue?

When being happy makes you sad

Do you ever get really excited about something, realize what you just got excited about, and then get extremely depressed?

The other day I successfully traced the history of a PIN related to a confusing situation we're having with a homeowners association.  I came to the conclusion that they may not, in fact, own a piece of property which they, allegedly, owe delinquent taxes on.

I was elated.  I don't mean I was just a little pleased with myself.  I mean I was bordering on giddy.  Hell, I was a problem solving machine!  You need a problem solved?  You come to me!  Why?  Because I'm king of the mother-fucking office, that's why!

Then I realized I just got that excited about a PIN.  I didn't cure cancer.  I didn't win a prize.  I didn't get a raise.  I didn't even reduce the amount of paperwork on my desk.  All I did was spend days tracing the history of a PIN.  And, as it turns out, my brilliant conclusion, though correct given the facts available, will probably require some additional investigation.  Crap.  I bummed myself out all over again.

Productivity? What's that?

Let me give you a more detailed glimpse into my average day.  I usually wake up around 7am and work up enough motivation to get out of bed by 7:30am.  My mornings are spent filling in blanks in legal documents and then making copies of said documents or stuffing them into envelopes.  My afternoons are spent standing in line at the Daley Center.  If you don't know what that's like, just imagine spending the afternoon at your local DMV and you'll get the idea. When I get home I work out, watch some crappy television, call my girlfriend and repeat the process the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, until the weekend comes to end the monotony.  I want to think that the life of an employed lawyer would be a lot different, but I'm afraid that isn't going to be the case.

Anyway, given the current state of my life, I've been looking for ways to be more productive.  At least productive enough that I'm not ashamed to tell people what I've done with my day.  Here's a brief run through of how it's going for me so far.

First, I recently stopped watching crappy TV and started reading again.  Granted, law school killed most of my desire to read, but I force myself.  Now, my nights are no longer spent watching reruns of The King of Queens or Two and a Half Men.  Instead, I read.  And I have to admit I feel much better about myself.

Next, I decided to volunteer at the Shedd Aquarium.  This one didn't go as well.  Apparently, not only can I not get a job, I also can't volunteer.  Seriously, I wanted to clean up fish poop just to spice up my life and was actually turned down.  In case I'm not being clear, I was willing to scoop fish poop for free and was deemed not qualified for that position.  That's bullshit.  I mean, there's bullshit and there's bullshit.  This is the latter.

To recap, so far I'm 1 for 2 on attempts to be more productive.  Well, maybe 2 out of 3.  Oddly enough I actually feel productive having a blog since it requires that I be able to string coherent sentences together.  Next I'm going to look into taking a French class.  It may not be as useful as Spanish but, if you take into account my philosophy and law degrees, I think you know I don't really have a history of doing useful stuff.

Underemployment

I'm a lawyer. No, that's not quite right. Lawyers have law degrees, wear suits to work, go to court, work long hours, have clients, salaries, fancy cars and possibly even health insurance. Last time I checked, I have none of those things. Oh wait, I do have a law degree. It's that flat thing keeping my coffee table level.

More accurately, I'm a law clerk. Granted, I'm licensed to practice law in Illinois (have been for a full year now), but I'm a law clerk. My time is spent filling in blanks, standing in line, stuffing envelopes and applying for jobs. Sounds pretty sweet, huh? You know, it's really not even that bad...were I at my first job out of high school. However, the reality is that I'm a law school graduate working so far below my potential that being an administrative assistant would be a step up in the world. It would have been awesome if law schools had mentioned that a law degree qualifies you to be a lawyer and nothing else. And that, if the market for lawyers dried up, I'd be SOL trying to find another job. I'm sure a rant about law schools will appear in a future post.

Underemployment: At least it's not unemployment...right?