Friday, April 2, 2010

Why I'd make a bad lawyer

My office is currently in a state of panic about a motion getting filed today.  I kid you not.  An absolute STATE OF PANIC!  Nobody is dying, no natural disaster, the sky isn't's all over a fucking motion.

Everyone gets so worked up about filing things on time.  I just don't get it.  Honestly, what's the worst that's going to happen if this motion isn't filed today?  We have to file a new motion for an extension of time to file the previous motion?  Oh my god, not that!  Yeah, we might look a little bit retarded, but it's not life or death.  Nothing law-related is that important or, at the very least, can't be fixed with minimal effort.

This attitude leads to conversations like this:
Secretary 2: This motion NEEDS to be filed for Attorney 3 today, but she's not here and I'm still waiting for a signature page from the client and we're running out of time!!!!
Me: Well, then it looks like it'll get filed on Monday.
Secretary 2: What are we going to do?  Should I ask Attorney 4?  What if we don't get the signatures?  It's almost too late!!  Will you stay late to file it?  Why doesn't Attorney 3 just do things on time?  WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!?!
Me: Stop.  Let me break this down very slowly.  Is it possible to file the motion without the signatures?
Secretary 2: No.
Me: Then, the motion is not going to get filed until we get them.  Worst case scenario - the motion gets filed on Monday and everybody forgets about it by Tuesday.
Secretary 2: But...but...I'm going to ask Attorney 4!
Me: Fine.  But, the motion's still getting filed on Monday.  FYI, never ask me to stay late again.


  1. This blog is boring.

    Here is the typical entry:

    So this person at my office said something, and I was all like "F That!". And they are a stupid moron. And I was all like "I don't give an S!" (except I didn't say it to their face).

    If you hate your job so much, then quit. Or quit bitching about your stupid job. Nobody cares about your boring office. Here's an idea for your next topic: Best way to go out in a blaze of glory at your office, at least that has the possibiity of being interesting. Probably not though. Zing!

  2. Personally, I enjoy the format. Why shake up a good thing?

  3. Attorney X:

    Why are you such an assclown? if you don't like this blog, then DON'T FUCKING READ IT, much less, POST A COMMENT. Seriously, I've never understood people who post comments on blogs saying that they don't like the particular blog. Do you have no life? Are you THAT much of a loser?

    Unfortunately for you, the answer to the two previous questions are fairly obvious. I understand that you are probably a bitter law student/young attorney. But that is not a license to be a tool.

    I find this blog funny, not so much for the topics, but I think its well written. I don't like every post, and the ones I don't like, I just move on. You should try doing the same.

  4. I am a loser because I made comments on a blog, but not so much of a loser that I police other people's comments. The reason that I commented is it is pretty much the same story every entry, but with a different set of mundane people/facts/etc. It's like Office Space, except it isn't funny.

  5. same shit different day, mr x. go smell someone else's garbage.

  6. Holy Hell, look at all these comments! On a weekend, no less! I'm flattered.